THE MEETING

Possibly the most emotional thing that I have ever been a part of. But, how to describe the emotion. An electrical charge? A chemical reaction? A physical change in body function? I don't know. All I know is that the emotion was far too strong for me to ever do it justice with words.

So, the meeting took place. It was carefully choreographed by both parties so that although we each had our partners for support, when we actually met for the first time we were alone together. We hugged, I cried, I think he did too. I had already seen a photograph of him on Facebook, in which he resembled my father, but when I saw him in the flesh he more resembled his own father. We spent 10 or 15 minutes together just walking through a quiet wooded area while he asked me a few questions, and then we joined our partners for a pub meal. It was that simple. And yet so profound.

And now we have the rest of our lives to rebuild the relationship that was shattered 53 years ago by my parents, who acted in accordance with "the way things are", and who could never have foreseen the heartbreak they caused us to live with all this time - me wondering if (hoping) he was loved and happy, and he thinking I'd given him away because I didn't want him.

I am proud to say he is my son, my oldest son. I never had a chance to be his mum, someone else was given that honour. But I have loved him, totally and unconditionally, for all that time. Only a tiny handful of people knew about him, initially my parents, my sister, my very best friend and the aunt and uncle that I stayed with, then later each of my husbands, two of his half-brothers and, more recently, one of my cousins. But now the whole world can know - and now I am completely fulfilled, happier than I have been since 1966.

THE LETTER

GM and I have always celebrated 3rd Feb as our Valentines day, as that's the day we first got together as a couple, many years ago. So, for us, 14th Feb has always been just a normal day - but not any more!

This year it was a Thursday. Our post comes quite late in the day, and on this particular day one letter popped through the letter box at roughly 2pm - I remember because I was lying on the sofa intending to have a short nap. "It's for you" GM said, handing me a white, hand-written envelope with a BP logo in the top left-hand corner. The return address was not one I recognised so I had absolutely no idea of the significance of this quite ordinary correspondence.

As GM took himself off into the kitchen I opened the letter, and read the first two sentences. All of a sudden my whole life changed. I can’t even begin to describe the emotions that I felt, it was so enormous, I was completely overwhelmed. Before I read further I must have called out because next thing I knew GM and I were both in the hallway, me with tears running down my face. "What is it?" he asked, concerned for my tears. I handed him the letter, he also read the first two sentences and then we were  holding each other very, very tightly, both of us with tears running down our faces. I can’t remember how long we stayed like that – it could have been a few seconds, or a few minutes, time stood still, until it occurred to me that I hadn’t even finished reading the letter. This letter changed my life. It contained news for which I had been waiting for over 50 years. Happy, happy news. I read the rest of the letter, I read it again, then again, and then again, not able to stop the flow of tears. I really, really cannot remember much about the rest of the day, all I can remember thinking, several times, was that outside of our house the world was still turning and people were going about their normal everyday stuff, but how could this be? The world is now a totally different place, I am living a totally different life, everything is suddenly so wonderful and I am so, so happy I could literally burst. (I feel I must add in here that my life isn't bad anyway, I am incredibly fortunate, but this was just something extra that was huge.)

Later in the day, with shaking hands, I scribbled off an initial reply – it was far too important not to reply immediately, and thankfully the sender had included two stamped self-addressed envelopes. I continued in an emotional daze for the next couple days before reality kicked in. I knew that several other people needed to be told this news, so plans were made for an initial trip to Wiltshire on the Sunday with GM and then a trip to Surrey and Kent on my own during the week, which luckily was half-term week so I was able to double up and spend a few precious hours with each of my GDs. I was nervous, but needn’t have been, everyone I told was incredibly positive and supportive, and when I arrived back home at the end of the week I was able to compose a more detailed response, which included my email address, and which went in the post on the Saturday, just 9 days after receipt of the initial letter.

Life got back to normal with a bump after the weekend when I had my three days of GD5 minding, so all my energies were directed towards her and her needs. It was on my return home on the Wednesday afternoon that I received the email in response to my second letter, containing details that had previously been withheld - another incredibly emotional moment. As it happened, FO and CH had given us a bottle of champagne for Christmas (thanks both x x), which GM had decided to chill, so that evening we shared it over tea, to celebrate our amazing, wonderful news. 

So, although now, after three weeks, I have got used to the news, my life has changed and will never be the same again. A hole in my heart that I have walked around with for such a long, long time has been filled, I am still super-charged with emotion and tears are still very close to the surface, but two-way communication by email is now regular and we look forward to the next stage of this incredible journey in a couple of weeks time.

So, Valentine's Day, February 14th 2019 is a day I shall remember for as long as I live.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

For those of you reading this who already know the contents of the letter, I would be most grateful if you would refrain from commenting as there are still members of my extended family who need to hear this news directly from me.

Advent count-down

Joining in with Julie at My Scavenger Hunt Scrapbook. I missed the first couple of days and I haven't got these pics in the right order, but here are my submissions for :

Day 1 A treasured Decoration - made for me by my friend Jean a couple of years ago

 Day 2. A Festive Themed Shop Window - one of the charity shops in town

Day 3. A Family Tradition - the whole family meet up in early December every year for our Festive Family Get-together

 Pop over to Julie's blog and let her know if you want to join in
 

Winter Photographic Scavenger Hunt

It's the first of December, the first day of this year's WPSH and here is the list

1. At the end of the day
2. Pool of light
3. Fastener
4. Nail
5. A group activity
6. Water dispenser
7. Horse
8. Chocolate
9. Peel/peeling
10. Holly
11. Dressed for the season
12. Glitter
13. An instruction
14. A crossing place
15. Flight
16. A measurement
17. Orange
18. A natural feature
19. A carved object
20. A method of communication

If you find any of the above hard to get you may substitute one or both of the subjects below.

Alt A. A keyring  
Alt B. Show and tell - something you made 
 
Many thanks to Eileen for composing this year's list, I can't take any credit for helping except that I read and approved the list beforehand. Eileen will be posting a monthly linky for us to show our photos. 

As I was fortunate enough to see the list up ahead, I took this photo a couple of days ago, so strictly speaking it shouldn't count, but as everyone knows, I like to break rules. Here is my first effort for this year.

No. 2  A Pool of Light

Good luck and enjoy

Decluttering

Over the next few months I'm decluttering, getting rid of stuff that I have accumulated over the years and have never used. If you see anything you fancy just please comment.

Christmas tag kit - enough bits and pieces to make 6 christmas tags, a great project for kids £2.00 inc postage

Pack of three beautifully handmade gift tags £1.75 inc postage

14 rolls of tape, 1.5" wide, all started but still plenty left £9.00 for the lot including postage

3 unopened packs of card blanks and envelopes, 2 x 5"x7", 1 x 5"x5"   £2.00 (no postage as too heavy - collect from me or I can deliver to anywhere in Andover, Devizes, Trowbridge or Warminster)

Gratitude Day 40

I rescued this from a pot in the garden and now it's brightening up my kitchen.

Gratitude Day 39

(with a little bit of catching up to do)

A dear friend is off to Hong Kong soon to spend Christmas with her family, so we had a date in Costa to swap  simple gifts and enjoy our first mince pies of the season.