Thursday, 4 April 2019

THE MEETING

Possibly the most emotional thing that I have ever been a part of. But, how to describe the emotion. An electrical charge? A chemical reaction? A physical change in body function? I don't know. All I know is that the emotion was far too strong for me to ever do it justice with words.

So, the meeting took place. It was carefully choreographed by both parties so that although we each had our partners for support, when we actually met for the first time we were alone together. We hugged, I cried, I think he did too. I had already seen a photograph of him on Facebook, in which he resembled my father, but when I saw him in the flesh he more resembled his own father. We spent 10 or 15 minutes together just walking through a quiet wooded area while he asked me a few questions, and then we joined our partners for a pub meal. It was that simple. And yet so profound.

And now we have the rest of our lives to rebuild the relationship that was shattered 53 years ago by my parents, who acted in accordance with "the way things are", and who could never have foreseen the heartbreak they caused us to live with all this time - me wondering if (hoping) he was loved and happy, and he thinking I'd given him away because I didn't want him.

I am proud to say he is my son, my oldest son. I never had a chance to be his mum, someone else was given that honour. But I have loved him, totally and unconditionally, for all that time. Only a tiny handful of people knew about him, initially my parents, my sister, my very best friend and the aunt and uncle that I stayed with, then later each of my husbands, two of his half-brothers and, more recently, one of my cousins. But now the whole world can know - and now I am completely fulfilled, happier than I have been since 1966.